Tony Parker Goes Hollywood

I don't think this video needs much of a description, and I don't think I can give it a fitting one anyway.  But as a Mavericks fan, I'm torn: on the one hand, I couldn't be more pleased that this exists; on the other, part of me will never get over what San Antonio has done to Michael "Multi Balls" Finley.  Then again, if this doesn't promise a Mavericks' Southwest Division championship, I don't know what does.

The Tracy McGrady All Stars: The NBA's Biggest Disappointments of the Decade

Earlier tonight, it was reported that Tracy McGrady has asked to be traded from the Rockets after struggling to earn playing time since recovering from knee surgery.  The seventh-place Rockets have performed surprisingly well without McGrady and injured Yao Ming, and the team that once belonged to McGrady has seemingly have moved on.  And so the latest stop—like both of those before it—in McGrady's 13-year career comes to an unceremonious end.  Which got me thinking:  Has McGrady's rocky career been the most disappointing in the NBA this decade?  For reasons I'll explain below, I think it has. But more importantly, in honor of T-Mac's latest departure, I decided to compile the decade's all-disappointment team.  

The team is composed of "disappointments," not "busts," which means that the players on it must have shown actual promise in the NBA yet somehow failed to achieve meaningful success in their careers.   The rules are simple, and the judging is arbitrary:  To be eligible a player must have made at least one All-Star team in the 2000s, and success (or lack thereof) is determined mostly by team success in the playoffs.  The team is compiled like any other, with two guards, two forwards, and a center.  And for good measure I'll throw in a full slate of reserves who just missed the cut.  Together, they proudly are the Tracy McGrady All Stars.  Before you judge too harshly, just think  how unstoppable this squad would have been in, say, NBA Live 2004.  

Point Guard, Stephon Marbury:  The most disappointing part of Stephon Marbury's career is how much of a joke everyone assumes it was.  Prompted by his fallout with the New York Knicks, Marbury's decline has been so steep and so spectacular that people seem to forget that when he arrived in New York Marbury was one of the NBA's best guards.  When he got to New York, Marbury was the only player in NBA history other than Oscar Robertson to have averaged over 20 points and 8 assists a game for his career—and this was over 8 seasons in.  And currently at 19.3 and 7.6, if it weren't for his paltry numbers with the Celtics over the past two seasons, Marbury would still hold that distinction.

But Marbury's career will always be gauged by his time with the Knicks.  In his first full season with the Knicks (2004–05), Marbury averaged 21.7 and 8.1, but the Knicks finished last in their division, and somehow Marbury caught much of the blame as too "selfish" of a player.   From there Marbury's career went on a consistent decline.  Over the next three seasons in New York, Marbury never averaged over 17 points a game, and his assist rate dropped each year.  The team failed to reach the playoffs and became the laughing stock of the league.  After feuding with Isiah Thomas and becoming embroiled in Thomas's messy sexual harrassment lawsuit, Marbury's time in New York was capped by a being banned from the team by new coach Mike Dantoni.  Upon his exit from the Knicks, Marbury was relegated to a minimal supporting role with the Celtics, playing only 12 minutes a game and averaging less than 5 points and 2 assists.   Marbury's playing time is up a little this year, but his production isn't, and at 32 years old, the two-time All NBA guard is but a shell of his former self.  In the end, Marbury made the playoffs only four times with teams on which he played a significant role—and none of them escaped the first round.  Somehow he will end his career with only two All-Star appearances and will be better remembered for buying a ticket to see his own team play and giving us the world's best basketball sneakers than for anything he ever did on the court.

Shooting Guard, Vince Carter: Carter came into the 2000s as the NBA's reigning Rookie of the Year, and heir-apparent to the high-flying UNC legacy of Air Jordan.  But despite some of the greatest offensive talent of any player this decade, Carter has come up miserably short in terms of team success.  He's played in eight All-Star games, twice been named to All-NBA teams, won the NBA Dunk Contest in spectacular fashion, won an Olympic gold medal, and delivered the best in-game dunk of the decade.  But Carter has only been to the NBA playoffs 5 times in his 11 seasons, and he has never made it past the second round.  For someone as individually accomplished—and as roundly celebrated—as Carter, that is embarrassing.  Through it all, Carter has received somewhat the opposite of the Marbury treatment; whether because of his entertaining playing style or otherwise, Carter's lack of team success is largely glossed over in the media, and he will surely go down as one of the decade's greatest players.  But behind all the highlights and personal trophies, Carter's still the guy who helped kill the Raptors by running off little cousin McGrady and who couldn't get it done with Jason Kidd and Richard Jefferson in a weak Eastern Conference.  At almost 33 years old, Carter has remained productive—he averaged over 20 points for each of his five seasons in New Jersey—but his time is running short.  Maybe he'll pull a Ray Allen/Kevin Garnett by jumping ship to Orlando this season, and in the end he'll finally get what has eluded him for over a decade.  Or maybe for all his talent, Carter is just a disappointment, and he'll never lead a team to the glory that he should.  For my money, I'll bet on the latter.

The Buck List: Two Cheers for the Windy City

Now for the latest installment of everyone's favorite top-5 list.  Chicago may be America's second city, but for at least a week it's first in the hearts of The Buck List voters . . . .  

5.  The Philadelphia Flyers.  A couple of weeks ago the Flyers nearly put former head coach John Stevens on the Buck List by firing him less than two years off of his Coach-of-the-Year resurrection of their franchise.  Now, an organization is free to Buck List its own coach whenever it wants, but if it does so a third of the way into the season, it'd be wise to make sure that its team answers the call and turns things around.  The Flyers, uh . . . haven't.  When the Flyers fired Stevens, they were 13-11-1 and were coasting a few points out of the playoffs in 10th place in the East.  Since firing Stevens, the Flyers have gone 2-7-1, have been outscored 35-18, and have plummeted to 14th in the East.  Over the past week, the Flyers cemented their ineptitude in style, stringing together a putrid four-game losing streak during which they were absolutely embarrassed 15 goals to 5.   Throw in two losses (by a combined score of 9-3) to arch rival Pittsburgh, and things officially hit bottom for Philly this week.  So, who's excited for the Winter Classic?!

4.  The Chicago Bulls.  The fellas on TV like to say that basketball is a sport of rushes—in most games the two teams will trade at least a few significant scoring runs back and forth.  But we're pretty sure they don't quite mean "keep up your guard when you have a  35 point lead with less than half a game to play  or you just might lose to a sub-.500 team at home."  No, we don't think we've ever heard that phrase, but then again we don't watch too many Bulls games.  On Monday, the Bulls gave us one of the NBA's all-time greatest collapses, tossing away a 35-point second-half lead to the visiting Scaramento Kings.  The Bulls were outscored 58-19 by the lowly Kings in the final 21 minutes of the game.  By the time the smoke had cleared on their 104-98 defeat, the Bulls had given up the largest comeback in the NBA in over a decade.  (In 1996 the Denver Nuggets threw away a 36-point lead over the Utah Jazz, but those Jazz went to the NBA finals.  These Kings . . . will not.)  To top things off, the Bulls then fell to the 11-17 New York Knicks on Tuesday.  The Bulls were probably humiliated by the ordeal, but they shouldn't take to it too harshly; we doubt their collapse caught the eye of too many Chicago sports fans—they're all too enthralled with their latest fad, the second place Blackhawks, to pay attention to the flailing Bulls.  That's so April 2009.

3.  USC Football.  Another season, another USC running back receiving illegal kickbacks for his on-field exploits.  Earlier this week it was revealed that USC starting running back Joe McKnight has been cruising around in a Land Rover bought for his girlfriend by southern California businessman, owner of "USC marketing," and certifiable whack job Scott Schencter.  Shocking revelation for a kid who wrote "I Need $$" on his eye black as a freshman.  It looks like McKnight will now be held out of the Trojans' December 26th Emerald Bowl appearance, which will find him in good company with starting tight end Anthony McCoy, starting offensive tackle Tyron Smith, and back up defensive tackle Averell Spicer, who have all been declared academically ineligible for the game.  An embarrassing situation for the program all around, but Pete Carroll has graciously shouldered the blame for these "kid[s] with issues."  Add it all up and the Trojans should be higher on the list, but we don't exactly have the greatest confidence in the NCAA's dedication to investigating USC.  Plus, the Trojans  alleviated most of the sting on their own by failing to qualify for a bowl that anyone cares about.

2.  Nick Folk.  The Dallas Cowboys have a hard enough time winning in December as it is without Nick Folk screwing things up.  But Folk—who amazingly still had a job heading into the Cowboys' game against the New Orleans Saints, despite missing 6 of his previous 10 field goal attempts—almost unilaterally sunk the Cowboys' bid to save their playoff hopes and end the Saints' undefeated season on Thursday night.  Up 24-17 with just over two minutes remaining in the fourth quarter, the Cowboys had a chance to put the game away with a simple 24-yard field goal.  Instead Folk banged the chip shot off the right upright.  Somehow the 'Boys avoided their seemingly inevitable meltdown and won the game, but Folk wasn't so lucky; he was released by Dallas two days later.  Once upon a time Folk was a prime time hero for the Cowboys.  Now he leads the NFL in missed field goals, has no job, and is somehow second fiddle to Sean Suisham who was himself released two weeks ago after missing an even shorter field goal (23 yards) for the Redskins.  At least Folk can take solace in the fact that he didn't actually lose the game for Dallas and that within a month Tony Romo will have done much worse to once again solidify his status as the Cowboys' perennial goat.

1.  Jay Cutler.  This one's been a long time coming.  Since Cutler was traded from the Broncos to resurrect the Bears and their woeful offenses under Lovie Smith, it's been nothing but a steady series of failures for Jay and the gang.  But we had to put an official date on this unending Buck Listing at some point.  We'll go with today.  Sure we could have chosen last week, when the Bears were officially eliminated from the playoffs, but they actually squeezed out a win over the Rams that week, and that wouldn't have been any fun.  Or it could rightfully have been after Cutler gift-wrapped 5 interceptions for the 49ers en route to a 10-6 Bears loss in San Francisco November 12, but The Buck List was but a twinkle in our eye then.  This Sunday, however, our patience was rewarded with Cutler's worst performance of the year:  At Baltimore, Cutler was 10-27 for a whopping 97 yards, threw three interceptions, and failed to lead the Bears on a single scoring drive in their 31-7 beatdown by the Ravens.  Cutler crawled to a career-low passer rating of 7.9 and was replaced by some rookie named Caleb Hanie.  To top it all off, Cutler's disaster ensured the 5-9 Bears of a losing season in their first year under his watchful eye.  Less than six months ago, Bears fans were in a froth over Cutler's arrival and all the space they'd have to clear off of their shelves for replica Lombardi trophies.  Today, they're calling for second-year University of Delaware product Joe Flacco as the real savior they should have had.  We're usually pretty hard on the fickleness of Chicago fans (see above), but maybe we can excuse them here: their team did give up Kyle Orton, two first-round draft picks, and a third-round pick for a chubby kid who currently leads the league in interceptions and whose 5 wins have come against teams that are a combined 18-52.  Then again, no one should have ever been posting nonsense like this.

Others Receiving Votes.  Dirk Nowitzki/Carl Landry: In a mutual Buck Listing, earlier this week Dirk Nowitzki and Rockets forward Carl Landry collided so violently that bits of three of Landry's teeth were left embedded in Nowitzki's elbow.  Hard to say who got the worst of that exchange, but we'll give the edge to Dirk:  While Nowitzki writhed on the ground, Landry coolly walked off the court, and then came back a few days later to score 27 points against the Clippers; Dirk is on infection watch and could apparently be out for the season—or worse—if Landry didn't brush his teeth enough.; The MLB Luxury Tax: The Yankees were hit with a $25 million penalty this week for going over the MLB's luxury tax last season and have now accounted for $174 million out of the total $190 million luxury tax penalties assessed across the entire league since 2003.  A lot of good that seems to be doing:  The Yankees apparently couldn't care less about the tax and just traded Melky Cabrera for starting pitcher Javier Vazquez not to bolster their rotation, but just to rub their willingness to spend in everyone's faces.; Teams in the AL East not named the Yankees: See the note about Javier Vazquez above.; Jim Zorn: The Redskins fell to 4-10 after failing entirely to show up in the first half of their game against the Giants Monday night (the Giants led 24-0 at half and had held the Redskins to two first downs and 51 yards of total offense).  If Dan Snyder was inquiring into potential coaching replacements in front of Zorn's face in March, just imagine what he is willing to do now.

The Buck List NFL Pick Off: Week 15

New England (-7.5) at Buffalo
John: New England (4)
Ryan: Buffalo (1)
Kevin: New England (4)

Brilliant Prediction (John): Pat Patriot's in jail.  Randy Moss was called out by Chris Gamble.  There are still pictures like this of Tom Brady all over the Internet.  Something has to break right for the Pats this week.

Arizona (-13) at Detroit
John: Arizona (1)
Ryan: Arizona (7)
Kevin: Arizona (1)

Brilliant Prediction (Ryan): 13 is a lot of points, but the Lions are a lot of bad. Arizona's defense should have little trouble shutting down a Detroit offense featuring Daunte Culpepper under center yet again. Kurt Warner and the Arizona offense will be anxious to atone for a lackluster performance in a prime time game last Monday at San Francisco. Detroit has covered the spread only once in the past 8 games. Make it 9.

Cleveland (+2) at Kansas City
John: Kansas City (1)
Ryan: Cleveland (1)
Kevin: Kansas City (1)

Brilliant Prediction (Kevin): Both of these teams are awful.  I'll take the home field advantage with apologies to the great Brady Quinn.


Atlanta (+6) at NY Jets
John: Atlanta (4)
Ryan: Atlanta (3)
Kevin: Atlanta (1)

Brilliant Prediction (John): There's only two things I know about turf toe: (1) it made Jimmy Clausen look mortal for a few weeks this fall; (2) it held the NFL's toughest player, Deion Sanders, out for like half his career.  But I refuse to believe it's a real injury, and hopefully Matt Ryan can return this weekend and play at some functional level.  Because Atlanta is simply a better football team than the Jets, and I will gladly take 6 points here.


San Francisco (+8) at Philadelphia
John: San Francisco (1)
Ryan: San Francisco (1)
Kevin: San Francisco (1)

Brilliant Prediction (Ryan): The Eagles are the better team, but the 49ers proved last week that an aggressive secondary can slow down even the most dangerous aerial attack. Things don't get easier this week in Philadelphia, but the forecasted 15-20 mph winds favor the power running game of the 49ers and should help to keep Donovan McNabb and DeSean Jackson off the score sheet. The Eagles win, but the Niners will keep it close.

The Buck List: The Lady Tigers Fight Back

We owe you, our four readers, an apology.  The Buck List was a few days late this week.  We aren't going to waste your time with apologies or explanations.  Instead, we solemnly promise that such tardiness will not happen again.  To make up for it, we would like to introduce you to our dear friend Sumo Dawg.  And now, the Buck List. . . 

5. Pat Patriot.  Robert Sormanti, one of the men who plays Patriots mascot Pat Patriot on Sundays, was arrested in Rhode Island this weekend in connection with a large scale prostitution sting.  The Rhode Island state police placed an ad on craigslist that apparently attracted Pat Patriot (and several other men) to a local hotel room, where they were arrested "once a fee for a sexual act was offered."  We're absolutely shocked that someone connected to the Patriots would ever break a law like this.  No news yet on whether Bill Belichik surreptitiously filmed Pat Patriot's private matter for his own personal collection. 

4.  The Montreal Canadiens.  The Canadiens became the latest victims of the NHL's newest and worst rule last Thursday.  The rule changes the point at which a play officially ends from the sound of the referee's whistle to instead when the referee intended to blow that whistle.  Namely it halts play in front of the net when a referee first thinks that the puck has been covered by the goalie, rather than when his whistle sounds to signal that fact to all mortal humans.  (Don't even try to wrap your mind around the change.  It's nonsensical.)  The result, as you might imagine, has been to disallow a handful of goals that were scored before the whistle blew (and while everyone was still playing) but after the referee apparently decided to end the action.

On Thursday, the rule robbed the Canadiens of a third-period game-tying goal which they clearly scored against the Penguins (video blelow).  The Canadiens' goal is the rule's worst casualty yet, both because the puck was clearly visible and the play should never have been stopped in the first place and because it prevented the Habs from tying a game which they ultimately lost by one goal.  For Montreal's (and the NHL's) sake, at least it is only December and there's a fair chance the call won't actually affect the Eastern Conference standings.  But even in December, losing a game that you rightfully tied is no easy pill to swallow.  You don't have to take that from us—this kid is more than willing to tell you how he feels about the situation.  Poor child; a clearer expression of what it's like to be Buck Listed may have never been uttered.  (Fair warning: not for those with sensitive ears.)

3. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.  The Angels have won five of the last six division titles, but their stretch of AL West dominance could be in serious trouble. In the past week, the Angels have lost two of their most important players to free agency.  Longtime ace John Lackey decided to join the dark side and sign a five year deal with the Boston Red Sox.  Speedy third baseman Chone Figgins agreed to terms with division rival Seattle.  Meanwhile, Seattle also acquired former Cy Young award winner Cliff Lee this week in a blockbuster trade with Philadelphia and Toronto.  Lee will join Felix Hernandez at the top of the Mariners rotation to form the best starting pitching duo in baseball.  Figgins and Ichiro Suzuki will wreak havoc with their speed and high on base percentages at the top of the Seattle lineup.  And all this improvement in Seattle comes as the Angels have taken significant steps backwards.  On the bright side for Halos fans, the Angels did sign World Series MVP Hideki Matsui and his beautiful wife. 

2. Trevor Ariza.  Ariza is off to a fantastic (and surprising) start this season.  But let's just say Sunday wasn't Trevor's best day.  Down 19 points to the Raptors, shooting 0-9 with 1 total point late in the third quarter, and looking forward to a night stuck in Canada, Ariza was a bit on edge.  So when he fumbled the ball to Raptors rookie DeMar DeRozan for his fourth turnover the game, Ariza didn't exactly respond in the most sporting fashion.  No, instead he momentarily lost his mind.  As DeRozan ran down court, Ariza spun around and tried maliciously to elbow the rookie in the back of the head.  Except he completely whiffed and made a right fool of himself. (video below)

But Ariza's failed swipe didn't go unnoticed.  Jarrett Jack ran over to fight Ariza, who put on his best tough guy act while carefully backing away from Jack.  Ariza was then promptly ejected from the game and booed out of the arena.  On Monday he was suspended for the whole ordeal.  All in all, not the finest way to make a bid for your first all star game.  Then again, what else can we expect from someone with so much thug passion? 

1. Justin Short.  Short is a cheerleader for the women's basketball team at the University of Missouri, and that is just the beginning of the embarrassment for this poor fellow.  This week, two Missouri women's basketball players, Amanda Hanneman and Jesra Johnson, were arrested for assaulting Short.  There are conficting reports about what exactly went down here.  Apparently, Short was annoyed that his female rommate and her friends were making too much noise.  In an attempt to quiet down the ladies, Short "physically restrained" his roommate.  At this point, Hanneman and Johnson stepped in and went to town on Short's face.  When the battle of the sexes came to an end, Short found himself with a broken nose, a black eye, and a dislocated shoulder.  And lets not forget: Short will have to jump up and down on the baseline for the rest of the season to cheer on his two assailants, who just happen to be Missouri's two leading scorers.  To channel the great Michael Irvin, Justin Short just got JACKED UP.

Others receiving votes.  The Miami Heat: On Sunday night, Rudy Gay and the Grizzlies embarrassed the Heat with a ridiculous array of dunks.  Also, the Heat lost to the Grizzlies.; Toronto Blue Jays Fans: The Blue jays traded Roy Halladay to Philadelphia this week for several highly rated minor league prospects.  Unfortunately, the list of compelling players currently on the Blue Jays major league roster includes, well, no one.;  The Pittsburgh Steelers: The reigning Super Bowl champions should never fail to score a touchdown against the Cleveland Browns. 

Ryan's Den: 12/15/09

The Fighting Mock Turtlenecks lost to Loyola Marymount on Saturday night. More troubling than a bad loss to a bad team at home is that I never knew the incredibly tragic story of Hank Gathers. Thanks to a  the loyal Buck List reader for calling out of my lack of requisite sports knowledge.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is serious about cracking down on head injuries, proposing this week to fine players for suffering concussions

University of South Florida head football coach Jim Leavitt has been accused of hitting one of his players in the face at halftime of the Lousville game on November 21. The players then refused to take the field with Leavitt and injured quarterback Matt Grothe (torn ACL) called a brilliant 2nd half from the sideline, capped off by a magical hook and ladder to Billy Bob for the win as time expired.

The Red Sox are close to adding yet another marquee pitcher to their starting rotation in former Angels right-hander John Lackey. The 5 year deal will pay Lackey roughly $17 million per season. Apparently Red Sox owner John Henry will champion the implementation of a salary cap some other time.

A Canadian doctor who has treated multiple professional athletes, including Tiger Woods, is suspected of providing his patients with performance enhancing drugs. A Woods representative indicated that the troubled golfer would have no comment, preferring instead to feverishly lift weights and watch Bones in private.

The Buck List NFL Pick Off: Week 14

New Orleans (-10.5) at Atlanta  [New Orleans 26, Atlanta 23]

John: Atlanta (1)

Ryan: New Orleans (2)

Kevin: New Orleans (1)

Brilliant Prediction (Ryan):  The hook makes it tough to take the visiting Saints to cover, but all signs point to this game being anything but competitive. The Saints will be ready to go after the Redskins threatened to end their perfect season last Sunday in D.C. These two teams played a close game back in November, but this time the Falcons will have to line up without Matt Ryan under center and Michael Turner in the backfield. New Orleans wins by a few scores.

Detroit (+13) at Baltimore   [Detroit 3, Baltimore 48]   

John: Baltimore (1)

Ryan: Baltimore (3)

Kevin: Baltimore (1)

Brilliant Prediction (John): When the lions aren't accidentally beating Cleveland or Washington this year, they're losing by more than a touchdown.  Only two of their ten losses have been by less than ten points (by seven to the Rams and eight to Pittsburgh, both at home).

Green Bay (-3) at Chicago  [Green Bay 21, Chicago 14]

John: Green Bay (3)

Ryan: Green Bay (4)

Kevin: Green Bay (6)

Brilliant Prediction (Kevin): The Bears do not beat good football teams.  Outside of a week 2 victory over Pittsburgh (which doesn't look all that impressive now), Chicago's wins have come at the expense of some of the league's worst teams: Seattle, Detroit, Cleveland, and St. Louis.

Seattle (+6) at Houston  [Seattle 7, Houston 34]

John: Houston (1)

Ryan: Houston (4)

Kevin: Houston (1)

Brilliant Prediction (Ryan): Do you really need any sort of statistical analysis to pick this game? Despite their two game winning streak (against the Rams and Niners) the Seahawks are absolutely dreadful. Their win against the Rams in Week 12 is their only win on the road this season. I look for Matt Schaub and the Texans to snap their 4 game losing skid in convincing fashion. How can you pick against Ryan Moats?

The Champ is Here: Your 2009 Heisman Trophy Winner

Turn off your televisions and go out for the night: The Heisman votes have already been counted, and we're here to announce the winner.  Well, The Buck List's Hesiman votes anyway.  We've consulted with ten of America's top college football analysts (read: ten people who watch college football and whom we mildly trust) and conducted the first annual Buck List Heisman balloting.  It works basically like the real thing, except with more of an emphasis on actually being good at football, and maybe a slight penalty for playing for Florida or USC.  Just like it should be.  

Below we give you the 2009 Buck List Heisman Trophy winner, and a full report of the voting for accountability. 

Second Runner-up,  Mark Ingram (RB, Alabama):  The likely "real" Heisman winner comes up third in the People's Heisman, which is right about where he should be.  Ingram has been the best back in maybe the best defensive conference in the nation, and he's racked up over 1800 yards of total offense, and 18 total touchdowns.  A couple of weeks ago, Ingram nearly Buck-Listed himself, falling flat on his face against Auburn in a game that almost cost the Crimson Tide their shot at a national championship.  But he responded in the only way that could have saved his Heisman chances: by completely dominating Florida en route to a Bama victory in the SEC championship.  That performance in his most important game of the year can't be ignored (and will likely win him the award tonight in New York), but over the season he has been a bit too inconsistent for it to vault him over the top two.

First Runner-up, Ndamukong Suh (DT, Nebraska): Like Ingram, Suh had the good sense to put on his best performance of the season in maybe the only game that people actually watched him this year.  Against Texas in the Big 12 conference championship, Suh was unstoppable, bullying his way to 4.5 sacks and 12 tackles (7 for a loss) and very nearly ending the Longhorns' title hopes.  If Suh had that kind of numbers the rest of the season, he'd sleepwalk his way to the Heisman.  But in his other 12 games, Suh had a combined 7.5 sacks, and 70 tackles (16 for a loss).  Incredible numbers from an interior lineman, but perhaps not enough to overcome the offensive bias of the Heisman, and become the first defense-only player to win the award.  On a team and at a position that people simply don't watch enough to assess exactly how good Suh is, he'd probably need some sexier numbers on paper (for instance, while he's broken up 10 passes and blocked 3 kicks, Suh has only accounted for 2 turnovers), to stand out enough to actually win this thing.

The People's Champ, Toby Gerhart (RB, Stanford): Gerhart probably won't win the actual Heisman tonight—he's simply not "exciting" enough for the typical voter.  And that's a shame.  Gerhart, who ran away with our voting (7 out of 10 first place votes), has put up numbers that completely eclipse the competition in this watered-down year for the Heisman.  He leads the nation in rushing with over 1700 yards and 26  touchdowns (plus one passing touchdown), averages nearly 30 more yards a game on the ground than Ingram, and does it all on behind an undersized offensive line and a freshman quarterback.  But Gerhart's consistency is what's most impressive:  He has only been held under 100 yards twice this season (82 yards at Wake Forest and 96 at Oregon State), and in each of those games he still averaged nearly 5 yards a carry.  He has only been held without a touchdown once (at Wake) and he scored at least two touchdowns in nine of his twelve games.  He scored three or more touchdowns five times.  And he didn't fumble once all season.  Simply, Gerhart was the most consistent and most dominant offensive player in the country this season.  The problem is that Gerhart plays in the supposedly weak Pac-10 (and not for USC) and with a style that appeals to only those who miss the days before the forward pass and Mike Alstott.  No one knows what Gerhart would do at Alabama or in the SEC, but there's no ignoring what he has done at Stanford.  He probably won't get the trophy which bears the illustrious names of Doug Flutie, Desmond Howard, and Chris Weinke tonight, but that thing's a sham anyway.

Toby, lift up your head and stick out that barn-sized chest:  You've just won the first ever Buck List Heisman Trophy, and that puts you quite literally in a class of your own.

After the jump, we honor Mr. Gerhart with one of YouTube's finest and give you the full results of our voting.

Trouble on Rocky Top

Well, well, well.  It looks like Lane Kiffin has gotten himself into a wee bit of trouble down at Tennessee.  The New York Times is reporting that the N.C.A.A. has launched a wide ranging investigation into the recruiting practices of Kiffin's staff.  This doesn't seem to be your run-of-the-mill, toothless inquiry, either:

"N.C.A.A. officials have visited four prospects and are scheduled to visit two others this week in an investigation covering at least three states. The inquiry is unusual in its scope and its timing. It is rare that the N.C.A.A. looks at this wide a swath of one university’s recruits before the players have signed with a program in February."

The fuss centers around Tennessee's improper use of "hostesses" in luring recruits to Knoxville.  The role of hostesses has become pretty commonplace in the world of SEC recruiting.  Basically, attractive female undergrads give the recruits campus tours and sit with them at the football games during official visits. Apparently Tennessee has expanded the duties of these hostesses to include some not so legal tasks -- namely, travelling hundreds of miles to cheer on recruits in their high school games.  The N.C.A.A. believes that these visits violate recruiting regulations. 

According to Marcus Lattimore, a five-star South Carolina prep running back who was interviewed by the Times, the hostesses achieve great results in their recruiting efforts.  Lattimore said that the hostesses played a significant role in the decisions that two of his high school teammates made to commit to Tennessee.  Lattimore explained, "You don't want to go to a college where they ain't pretty." Well said, Marcus.

If these allegations prove true, Kiffin really needs to work on his understanding of the N.C.A.A. recruiting rules.  Last February, the newly hired coach accused Urban Meyer of committing some recruiting violations of his own.  Kiffin claimed that Meyer continually called Nu'Keese Richardson during the four-star wide receiver and eventual Vol commit's official visit to Tennessee.  Kiffin boasted, "I love the fact that Urban had to cheat and still didn't get him."  There was one problem with this, though -- Meyer's phone call was not a recruiting violation.  At all.  After being reprimanded by the SEC, an embarrassed Kiffin apologized to Meyer and the conference. On a side note, Nu'Keese was arrested with two teammates in November for committing armed robbery with a pellet gun.  Kiffin, always the stickler for rules, kicked Nu'Keese off the team a few days later.

Kiffin's recruiting gaffes should not take anyone by surprise.  Most former Pete Carroll assistants seem to have problems keeping their teams out of trouble.  When he was the head coach at Ole Miss, Ed Orgeron had to put twenty players on probation for stealing things from hotel rooms.  Orgeron is now Kiffin's recruiting coordinator at Tennessee.  Steve Sarkisian, another Carroll protege, has run into problems of his own.  Sarkisian committed secondary recruiting violations just one month after being hired as the head coach at the University of Washington.

It makes you wonder that maybe Carroll's assistants just aren't being taught the rules of recruiting out at SC.  Or maybe they are taught to deliberately ignore the rules.  Perhaps Kiffin's recent transgessions will remind the N.C.A.A. that Pete's program has some issues of its own.  Whatever happened to that whole Reggie Bush investigation and the looming sanctions?  Maybe the investigators came to SC, and Carroll introduced them to some of his best hostesses.

The Buck List: The Saga Continues

It's time for another installment of everyone's favorite weekly segment, and a familiar face sits atop our rankings....

5. Greg Oden.  The seemingly cursed Blazers center broke his left patella in the first quarter of Portland's win over the Rockets on Saturday.  The first overall pick of the 2007 draft had surgery Monday and will miss the rest of the season.  Oden is no stranger to the IR.  He sat out 21 games last season with an assortment of ailments and spent the entire '07-'08 season on the bench recovering from microfracture surgery on his right knee.  After a laughably poor performance as a reserve for the Blazers last season, Oden had been playing well this year, averaging 11.1 points, 8.5 rebounds, and 2.3 blocks per contest.  And now Oden will have to start all over again.  Making matters worse for the Blazers, Kevin Durant's endless promise and 28 points per game serve as a constant reminder of what should have been in Portland.  Blazers fans are left trying to convince themselves that Oden suffers from Benjamin Button disorder.  If Oden has actually been aging in reverse this whole time, his constant injury woes make perfect sense.  His body is simply going through the problems that most athletes face at the end of their careers.  In five years or so, Oden will begin to resemble Tim Duncan in his prime.  And if not, Greg always has his acting to fall back on.....

4. Rick Reilly.  America's most overpaid sportswriter has embarrassed himself once again.  In a column he "wrote" for ESPN this week, Reilly essentially reworded a piece (which frankly wasn't very good the first time) he had written for Sports Illustrated in 2007.  Deadspin put together a thorough comparison of the two columns, and the similarities are laughable.  Oh, and this isn't the first time Reilly has been caught regurgitating his own work.  What has become of Reilly's career?  His columns are mostly overly moralistic tales of supposed inspiration with an occasional sprinkling of hackneyed jokes.  Occasionally he hosts an ESPN television show during which he awkwardly interviews athletes.  And now he passes old columns off as originals.  In the future, most sports fans probably will remember Reilly in his current form rather than as one of the greatest features writers ever to work at Sports Illustrated (see here, here, and here).

3. The Pittsburgh Steelers.  The defending Super Bowl champs have hit a bit of a rough patch.  The Steelers lost for their fourth straight game Sunday, and this was a bad one.  Pittsburgh native Bruce Gradkowski threw three fourth quarter touchdowns -- the last one coming with nine seconds left on the clock -- to lead the lowly Raiders to a shocking win at Heinz Field.  The Steelers now sit at 6-6 having lost to the Bears, Chiefs, and Raiders -- to borrow a phrase from fellow Buck Lister Ryan, that is not Steelers football.  With star safety Troy Polamalu possibly sidelined for the rest of the year, the Steelers are in very serious trouble of missing the playoffs for just the second time in the Big Benjamin Roethlisberger era.  Looking on the bright side, Troy P will have more time to film his awesome Head and Shoulders commercials...

2.  Tim Tebow.  The Prophet's heralded college football career hit its low point Saturday in the SEC championship game.  Alabama upset the top ranked Gators, and Tebow threw a costly second half pick that ended Florida's comeback hopes.  Tebow had a lot on the line in this game.  With a typically strong performance and a Florida victory, Tebow might have left Atlanta with a second Heisman Trophy and a third national championship in his pocket.  College football analysts would have crowned him the greatest player the sport had ever seen.  Instead, the entire country watched Tebow sob on national television.  We are ashamed to admit that we felt a little sorry for Tebow, who was actually a very gracious loser at the end of the game.  If only Tim hadn't jinxed himself with that damn front hug. 

1.  Tiger Woods.  Shortly after releasing last week's inaugural edition of the Buck List, we received a mysterious voicemail: "Hey, it's uhh Tiger.  I need you to do me a huge favor. Umm...can you please take my name off the Buck List?  My wife went through your blog and may be contacting you.  If you can, please take my name off that list.  You gotta do this for me...huge...quickly.  Alright, bye."  Sorry, Eldrick, but we can't remove you from the top spot in good conscience.  Apparently, last week was just the beginning for Tiger.  Quite a bit has come out since the infamous crash.  The number of women claiming to have had trysts with Tiger has reached double digits.  There are rumors that Tiger's wife has decided to leave him.  An ambulance rushed Elin's mother from Tiger's house the hospital early this morning.  Oh, and the world learned that Tiger particularly enjoys doing certain things on ambien.  But at least El Tigre still sits atop the World Golf Rankings.  And the Buck List.

Others receiving votes.  John Stevens: In 2007–08 Stevens led the Flyers to a 40-point turnaround from the previous year and the Eastern Conference Finals and won The Hockey News' Coach of the Year.  On Friday he was fired after stumbling to a 13-11-1 start.  What have you done for me lately, I guess.; Non-Power Football Conferences: Three pretty impressive undefeated teams (no, Big East, you are not a power conference) will have no shot at the BCS championship this year.  And two (TCU & Boise State) get to duke it out with each other so that the media can claim the winner proved nothing.  Life's rough outside of the SEC.; Notre Dame's Offense: To no one's great surprise, the Fighting Irish learned Monday that college's best quarterback and wide receiver combo—Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate—will be leaving this year for the NFL draft.  That's no small loss for whoever will be taking over Charlie Weis's squad next year.; Alex Ovechkin: After two ejections in three games, Ovechkin was suspended for two games after a knee-on-knee hit last Tuesday.  A two-game suspension wouldn't be that big of a deal, except that Ovie is supposed to be the face of the NHL, and particularly for his "aggressive" play.  Maybe now that Colin Campbell isn't going to give him the star treatment, Ovechkin will play with a little restraint.; The Fiesta Bowl: The Fiesta Bowl folks basically did it to themselves, but TCU-Boise State?  Yikes. 

Ryan's Den: 12/8/09

To celebrate North Korea's first World Cup appearance in 44 years, Kim Jong-il is banning all coverage of the games -- unless they, you know, win. In the event North Korea soccer comes up short, all highlights will be brief and manipulated in order to portray the North Koreans as the superior team. If Kwame Kilpatrick wasn't too busy Tiger Woods-ing his staffers, maybe he could have thought of this for Lions games (or the 2009 Stanley Cup Final) and won re-election in Detroit.

Add the Son of God to the growing list of those not interested in Notre Dame's recent coaching vacancy.

Speaking of that (large) vacancy, Mark Kriegel at foxsports.com suggests that evil Charlie Weis advised projected first day draft picks Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate to forgo their senior seasons and enter the draft simply to sabotage his alma mater. Excellent detective work, Mark. Unfortunately, you forgot to mention the part where Weis contacts a current recruit just days after his termination, encouraging him to stay committed to the Irish in 2010.

Yesterday marked the beginning of the 15th annual Jimmy V Classic at Madison Square Garden. If you've never seen the 1993 ESPY speech of late North Carolina State basketball coach Jim Valvano, there aren't many better ways to spend 11 minutes -- and even if you have:

The Buck List NFL Pick Off: Week 13

Philadelphia (-5.5) at Atlanta [Philadelphia 34, Atlanta 7]
John: Philadelphia (2)
Ryan: Atlanta (1)
Kevin: Philadelpha (1)

Brilliant Prediction (John): What an awesome match up. I can't wait for Donovan McNabb to go down with an injury so that Mike Vick can come in and set the single-game rushing record against the team that sanctimoniously turned its back on him. It's too bad for Vick; he'd probably still be on the Falcons if he had only taken a cue from a few of his former teammates and simply beaten his wife, endangered lives by drunkenly speeding, or abused some dogs. Oh wait.

Tampa Bay (+7) at Carolina [Tampa Bay 6, Carolina 16]
John: Tampa Bay (1)
Ryan: Tampa Bay (1)
Kevin: Tampa Bay (1)

Brilliant Prediction (Kevin): Carolina star running back DeAngelo Williams is banged up and might miss Sunday's game against Tampa. The underrated Josh Freeman and the Bucs will keep it close.

St. Louis (+10) at Chicago [St.Louis 9, Chicago 17]
John: Chicago (1)
Ryan: Chicago (1)
Kevin: St. Louis (1)

Brilliant Prediction (Ryan): You read that right. The Bears are laying 10 points. And I'm taking them! Cutler has to find his intended receiver in the red zone at some point this season, and I'm guessing he'll do it this weekend at home against the Rams. Or not. If you're actually taking this game you have a gambling problem.

Detroit (+14) at Cincinnati [Detroit 13, Cincinnati 23]
John: Detroit (1)
Ryan: Detroit (1)
Kevin: Cincinnati (1)

Brilliant Prediction (John): I said this last week, so I'll say it again this week: Cincinnati simply doesn't blow teams out. Until they prove me wrong, I don't care who they are playing at home, I'm not picking them by 14.

Links: Tigermania and other really important stuff

Finals have once again descended upon my life.  That means little time for posting, but I need a distraction, so I can at least bestow upon you one of life's simplest gifts: links.   Virtually substanceless links at that.   So it goes.

Tiger Woods continues to entertain.  As if rumors of three four mistresses, sexually laced and homicidal text messages, panicked voicemails, and homoerotic dreams weren't enough for Tiger to deliver us this week, now we get a couple more doozies.  First, he's apparently so enraptured with marriage that he's willing to pay his wife $80 million for two more years of it.  That makes sense given his four affairs and all.  Second, Rachel Uchitel (the original Tiger mistress, thank you) revealed that Tiger prefers his adultery in a drug-induced haze.  Her reports of their "crazy Ambien sex," make the Boreanaz/Jeter email so much weirder.

Jake Gyllenhaal heard that guys are supposed to like sports.  Apparently Donnie Darko did what any sensible human would and got a Pittsburgh Steelers tattoo on his lower back after shooting a film in the 'Burgh for a few months.  Yeah, Jake's pretty much diehard: "He's been a Patriots fan, but came to love the Steelers, too, [Gyllenhaal] said."

People are terribly dumb.  "That blog I read" Blue Gray Sky tells a hilarious and pathetic cautionary tale of just how easy it is to spread rumors on the Internet.  In an unrelated story, we've linked more Tiger Woods developments above.

Mark Cuban: not embarrassing at all.  Listen Cubs fans, I'll tell you from personal experience, it's not always so great having Mark Cuban resurrect your franchise.  No, sometimes you have to sit there as he takes his stupid grin on national television as a professional wrestler.

U.S. Soccer finally gets a break.  The U.S. soccer team got an amazing World Cup draw Friday (England, Slovenia, and Algeria).  Now all they need is Oguchi Onyewu's rehab to go smoothly, and Charlie Davies's stanky leg to magically reconstruct itself.

I assure you NHL players get paid.  Puck Daddy actually managed a pretty interesting post the other day, listing the top 5 best and worst NHL contracts of the decade.  Not sure how they left off Daniel Briere's 8-year $52 million contract with the Flyers considering he missed 50 games last year and is –27 in his time there, but whatever.

On a serious note, everyone remember to give thanks for the fact that you have never sat next to Mark Mangino on a plane:

The Champ is Here

The Ovechkin-Crosby debate officially has come to an end.  Alexander Ovechkin is the greatest hockey player on the planet.  I do not have any real statistics or observations to back up this claim.  I don't need them.  In fact, I don't think I have ever even watched an entire hockey game.  But let me ask you this: Has a rapper ever added "Crosby" to the end of his name in honor of Sidney?  I didn't think so.  Meet Wale Ovechkin...

(The best part starts around the three minute mark when Wale talks about meeting Ovechkin.  Apparently Wale isn't great at estimating people's heights.)

The All-Out of Nowhere Team

While perusing NBA box scores a few days ago, I came across an unfamiliar name in the Milwaukee Bucks starting lineup -- Ersan Ilyasova.  I consider myself a pretty big NBA fan, but I had no idea that the second year Turkish import was averaging 11.7 points per game.  Upon further investigation, I learned that Milwaukee selected Ilyasova in the second round of the 2005 draft.  The forward saw limited time in 66 games with Milwaukee during the 06-07 season, but then returned to Europe for two years.  Back in the NBA, Ilyasova has emerged this year as a key contributor for the shockingly decent Bucks.  Ilyasova is not the only breakout performer of the young NBA season.  In fact, there seems to be an unusually high number of players outperforming their preseason expectations.  With apologies to Danilo Gallinari (who sadly just missed the cut), the Buck List presents the All-Out of Nowhere Team.....

PG - Brandon Jennings.  Jennings was only the fifth point guard taken in the 2009 draft, but he has emerged as the clear standout in the rookie class.  Jennings leads the Bucks in scoring (21.8 ppg) and assists (5.7 apg), and he put up an astounding 55 points against Golden State in just the seventh game of his career.   Now if only someone could persuade Jennings to bring back his incredible flat top. 

SG - Dahntay Jones.  Since entering the league in 2000, Jones has served primarily as a part time defensive stopper.  The former Duke star had never averaged more than 7.5 ppg in a season, but now is scoring just under 17 per game for the Pacers.  Also, he did this.....



SF - Trevor Ariza.  Some of you might disagree with Ariza's inclusion on the All-Out of Nowhere Team.  After all, Ariza played a prominent role on last season's championship Lakers team and signed a five year, 33 million dollar contract with the Rockets in the offseason.  But Ariza's value on the Lakers was primarily on the defensive end.  Often he covered the opposing team's top perimeter scorer, freeing Kobe Bryant to conserve most of his energy for the offensive end.  Ariza has continued to play stellar defense in Houston (he is fourth in the NBA in steals), but he has upped his offensive game considerably.  The small forward leads the Rockets with 18 points per game, more than double his previous career high.  Ariza is also averaging 5 rebounds and 4 assists per contest.  Most NBA fans knew that Ariza was a valuable asset, but few expected him to carry a team the way he has so far in Houston.

PF - Ersan Ilyasova.  With 11.7 ppg and 7.6 rpg, Ilyasova is Milwaukee's third leading scorer and second leading rebounder.  The 6'10'' Turk is shooting an impressive 37 percent from three point range.  Imagine how dominant a team would be if they had five Ilyasova's!  Or just watch this Turkish commercial....



C - Joakim Noah.  Noah entered the league with great expectations after leading the Florida Gators to back to back national titles.  The Bulls took Noah with the ninth pick of the 2007 draft, but the flashy center disappointed in his first two seasons in Chicago.  Noah has looked like a completely different player this year, though.  In addition to putting up 11.5 points and 1.6 blocks per game, Noah is third in the NBA in rebounding -- behind only Dwight Howard and Chris Bosh -- with an average of 12.1 per night.  Also, he sure can dance....

Tiger Woods Watches Bones (and Cheats on his Wife)

What I love about the Tiger Woods scandal:

1. The voicemail, namely these parts:

• "Hey, it's uhh---- Tiger."
  
• "Please take your name off that, and um-- just have it as a number. The voicemail. Just have it as your telephone number."
  

2. I love that when you enter "voicemail" into google's search engine, "tiger woods" pops up immediately thereafter.

3. If you were the wealthiest person on the planet, why would you own just one phone, particularly if you were frequently exchanging phone calls with quasi-hookers and "sex-ting" like so:

    Tiger: “I want to go to bed with you every night and wake up to you every morning.”

    Other Woman: “You can’t - you have a wife and two kids." 
    Tiger: “I’ll fix that!"

4. His e-mail to alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel:  While so many parts of this e-mail range anywhere from awesome to unbelievable, the best part by far is that Tiger Woods watches Bones.

5. Lastly, this Accenture advertisement that ran in the Wall Street Journal Monday morning:

It sure isn't....

Don't mess up Zebrie Sanders' snap count

Respect for the snap count is drilled into offensive lineman; they spend hours of practice training themselves to not flinch on hard counts or yield to eager defensive linemen who jump too soon.  Florida State right tackle Zebrie Sanders may have taken those lessons a bit too literally.  On a play early in the third quarter of their game against Florida this weekend, Seminoles' center Ryan McMahon apparently snapped the ball a little early, so his four fellow linemen were slow to get moving.

But Sanders  never got moving at all. 

Instead he stood perfectly still, poised in his two-point stance even as FSU quarterback E.J. Manuel desperately scrambled from a horde of unblocked Gators (and somehow managed to gain a few yards on the play).  But while video of college football's most bizarre play of the season circulates on the Internet, no one from FSU has come forward with an explanation of what exactly Sanders thought he was doing.  Was he painting a stoic portrait of self-discipline?  Was he protesting the center's mistake?  Did he fall asleep?  Is he paralyzed?

I have no idea, but it is easily one of the strangest things I've ever seen.  I really think someone should go out to the Swamp to make sure the kid got home okay.

The Christian Side Hug: Did Tebow miss the memo?

So I’m starting to worry about Tim Tebow.  No, not about his upcoming game against Alabama—I think he’ll win that.  And not about his football future—I think the Jaguars will reach unnecessarily high and draft him in the first round.  But about his soul.

I know what you’re thinking; if anyone’s soul is safe, it’s Tim Tebow’s.  The kid puts Bible verses on his eye black, uses his Heisman trophy as a platform to spread the Gospel, and spends his summers helping circumcise those who are less fortunate.  Indeed, as Bill Plaschke has rightly noted, no one doubts the greatness of young Tebow.

But that’s what makes his most recent actions all the more troubling.  As I’m sure everyone saw (and if you didn’t just look to the left), this weekend Tebow hugged Florida coach Urban Meyer at his last home game as a Gator.  From the front.  Twice.

You’re probably thinking no big deal, right?  Wrong.  As I learned just a few days ago, and as someone as righteous as Tebow surely is aware, front hugging is a very big deal indeed.  Just take it from a group of Christian rappers (and soon to be YouTube sensations) at the Encounter Generation youth conference: The only way to hug—the only way Jesus would hug—is from the side.  You have to leave room for the Holy Spirit.

Now if someone like heathen Jimmy Clausen had transgressed by front hugging, I wouldn’t think twice.  But once Tim Tebow lets himself slip, we’re all in trouble.  So, I beg you, Mr. Tebow, watch the video below—memorize its lyrics—and please, next time Urban Meyer comes up to you and is "front hug bound with that look in his eye," do us all a favor and turn to the side.

The Buck List (Inaugural Edition)

In the fall of 2002, one secondary made life miserable for offenses throughout college football.  Notre Dame cornerbacks Shane Walton and Vontez Duff and safeties Gerome Sapp and Glenn Earl combined for fourteen interceptions, six touchdowns, and countless big hits that year.  As the season progressed, these hits became so numerous and so brutal that the fearsome foursome felt compelled to keep track of their exploits.  And so the legendary Buck List, a catalogue of all those who had been served by the Irish secondary, was born.  After each game, Walton, Duff, Sapp, and especially the hard-hitting Earl would add the names of their newest victims to the Buck List.  In honor of these four warriors, we will present our very own Buck List each week – a ranking of the teams, athletes, coaches, and sports personalities who have been most viciously served throughout the week.  Without further ado and in the glorious tradition of Walton, Duff, Sapp, and Earl, we give you The Buck List:

5. Rick Neuheisel. Leading 21-7 with just under a minute left against UCLA on Saturday, Pete Carroll, in a shocking display of dignity, instructed quarterback Matt Barkley to take a knee.  Neuheisel immediately called a timeout from the UCLA sideline.  On the next play, Barkley threw a 48-yard touchdown pass to Damian Williams to stretch the Trojan lead to 28-7.  Normally, I would jump at the chance to criticize Carroll for running up the score, but it’s hard to blame him in this case.  There is absolutely no reason for Neuheisel to call that timeout.  The game was over.  Even if Neuheisel used all three of his timeouts and got the ball back, UCLA would still be down by 14 points with thirty seconds or less left on the clock.  In calling the timeout, Neuheisel exhibited poor sportsmanship and wasted the time of everyone in the stadium.  Rarely needing an invitation to pile on points, Carroll responded emphatically with another USC touchdown.  After the game, Neuheisel complained that, “The bottom line is that just doesn’t belong in these games.”  Well, guess what Rick?  It never would have happened without your useless timeout.  Carroll tried to do the classy thing for once in his career, and you threw it back in his face.  You deserved that humiliation and won yourself the fifth spot on this week’s Buck List. 

4. Chris Bosh.  Bosh (Raptors center, apple of the Knicks' eye, pride of Dallas, Texas) was just minding his business, playing defense as usual this Friday when he got an all too personal reminder that Paul Pierce is a prick.  As Pierce screamed through the lane after beating his defender off the dribble, Bosh slid over to defend the basket, and was met with a face full of Pierce's tomahawk dunk—and a crotch full of Pierce's left knee.  Hard to say if Pierce intended the low blow or not, but it certainly didn't look like he was trying to keep the knee to himself (check out the video below to decide for yourself).  To make matters worse, Pierce then took time out of his day to hover over the writhing Bosh and remind him just who had rendered him impotent.  Shame on Bosh for getting dunked on, but I don't think anyone deserves the sort of buck listing that he endured.  Especially not from Paul Pierce.

3. Lawrence Frank.  Frank began his career with the New Jersey Nets by winning thirteen straight games after replacing fired coach Byron Scott in the middle of the 03-04 season.  Unfortunately, he ended it in the exact opposite fashion, losing sixteen straight to start this season.  The Nets fired Frank Sunday afternoon, just hours before the Nets tied the worst start in NBA history by dropping their seventeenth straight with a loss to the Lakers.  In between Frank’s two historic streaks, he amassed more victories with New Jersey than any previous Nets coach – not that he really had much competition in that department.  To be fair to Frank, he had to suffer through four seasons of dealing with the miserable Vince Carter.  Plus, star point guard Devin Harris has been injured for most of this season, and the Nets current roster might have less talent than former Nets coach John Calipari’s Kentucky squad.  But excuses can only take us so far here.  Lawrence Frank lost his job, and Vinny Del Negro is still employed.  And that’s embarrassing.

2. The Oklahoma State Cowboys.  Positioning themselves for their first-ever BCS berth, securing their first 10-win season in two decades, and beating arch rival Oklahoma for the first time in seven years (while rubbing salt in the wounds of the Sooners' worst season this decade) all seemed like fair reasons for Oklahoma State to actually show up to play in Norman this weekend.  But apparently not; instead #12 OSU fell flat on its face.  All the work the Cowboys have done to overcome the loss of star wide receiver Dez Bryant and foist themselves towards the top of a watered-down Big 12 was laid to waste by the 27–0 bludgeoning that the Sooners dealt them.  As a curiously lucid Mike Gundy pointed out after the game, "[A]t the end of the year, the bowl representatives in this league are going to pick teams that have competed for 12 games. You've got to play 12 games."  And no, failing to score, limping to 109 yards of offense,  and failing to convert a single third-down in your 12th game isn't quite that.  On the bright side, media darling Boise State can now confidently ride its undefeated season into its second  BCS berth in four years.  And hey, maybe the Cowboys were just trying to send old foe Bob Stoops out on a happy note, as he potentially leaves for greener pastures next season.  In any event, at least they took their beating like men.

1. Tiger Woods.  Tiger had quite the week. On Wednesday, The National Enquirer reported that Woods is having an affair with Rachel Uchitel, a woman mostly known for supposedly having a previous affair with married actor David Boreanz.  Then, after an undoubtedly splendid Thanksgiving dinner at the Woods home, Tiger crashed his Escalade into a fire hydrant…and a tree…while backing out of his driveway…at 2:30 in the morning.  Luckily, Tiger’s loving bride Elin came to the rescue, smashing the back windows of the Escalade with a golf club in an effort to free her hubby from the car.  Thanks to his wife’s noble rescue mission, Tiger escaped the crash with just a few facial lacerations.  So, let’s translate all of this into a succinct summary of Eldrick’s week: The world learned that he is sleeping with Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s sloppy seconds.  His wife clawed at his face.  He tried to run away from his wife, but she smashed the windows of his car with his 3 wood, causing him to crash into a hydrant and then a tree.  But hey, at least Tiger can give a big ole fist pump in celebration of reaching the top spot on the first ever installment of The Buck List.  To honor him, we present a digital reenactment of the incident brought to you by some Chinese news station:

Others receiving votes.  Charlie Weis:  Weis, who was officially fired by Notre Dame yesterday, sealed his fate with yet another disappointing loss to Stanford this Saturday (and secured the most losses of any coach in Notre Dame History), but everyone's seen this one coming for nearly a month.; Mark Ingram's Heisman chances:  Alabama squeaked out a win over rival Auburn on Friday, but after Ingram's dismal 30-yard effort (and performances of the year from Colt McCoy, Tim Tebow, and Toby Gerhart), he'll need to singlehandedly beat Florida in the SEC Championship to even have a shot at the Heisman.; Uga VII: University of Georgia's lovable bulldog Uga VII unexpectedly died last Thursday due to heart problems, less than two seasons into his tenure as the school's mascot.  As if that's not bad enough, if the ever-sane PETA get their way, number VII will be the school's last (non-animatronic) bulldog ever.  Which, unless it's programmed to do this, would be a real shame.; Tomas Vokoun: After giving up his second goal in the opening ten minutes of the Panthers game last night, starting goalie Tomas Vokoun was summarily slashed in the face by his own defenseman Keith Ballard (video below).  Ballard, attempting to smash his stick against the goal post, instead laid out Vokoun, drawing blood and sending the goalie off on a stretcher.  In reality Vokoun (who is currently out of the Panthers lineup due to the incident) should probably be in the top five, but we wrote this up last night, and we're far too lazy to go back and change that.