The Buck List: Two Cheers for the Windy City

Now for the latest installment of everyone's favorite top-5 list.  Chicago may be America's second city, but for at least a week it's first in the hearts of The Buck List voters . . . .  

5.  The Philadelphia Flyers.  A couple of weeks ago the Flyers nearly put former head coach John Stevens on the Buck List by firing him less than two years off of his Coach-of-the-Year resurrection of their franchise.  Now, an organization is free to Buck List its own coach whenever it wants, but if it does so a third of the way into the season, it'd be wise to make sure that its team answers the call and turns things around.  The Flyers, uh . . . haven't.  When the Flyers fired Stevens, they were 13-11-1 and were coasting a few points out of the playoffs in 10th place in the East.  Since firing Stevens, the Flyers have gone 2-7-1, have been outscored 35-18, and have plummeted to 14th in the East.  Over the past week, the Flyers cemented their ineptitude in style, stringing together a putrid four-game losing streak during which they were absolutely embarrassed 15 goals to 5.   Throw in two losses (by a combined score of 9-3) to arch rival Pittsburgh, and things officially hit bottom for Philly this week.  So, who's excited for the Winter Classic?!

4.  The Chicago Bulls.  The fellas on TV like to say that basketball is a sport of rushes—in most games the two teams will trade at least a few significant scoring runs back and forth.  But we're pretty sure they don't quite mean "keep up your guard when you have a  35 point lead with less than half a game to play  or you just might lose to a sub-.500 team at home."  No, we don't think we've ever heard that phrase, but then again we don't watch too many Bulls games.  On Monday, the Bulls gave us one of the NBA's all-time greatest collapses, tossing away a 35-point second-half lead to the visiting Scaramento Kings.  The Bulls were outscored 58-19 by the lowly Kings in the final 21 minutes of the game.  By the time the smoke had cleared on their 104-98 defeat, the Bulls had given up the largest comeback in the NBA in over a decade.  (In 1996 the Denver Nuggets threw away a 36-point lead over the Utah Jazz, but those Jazz went to the NBA finals.  These Kings . . . will not.)  To top things off, the Bulls then fell to the 11-17 New York Knicks on Tuesday.  The Bulls were probably humiliated by the ordeal, but they shouldn't take to it too harshly; we doubt their collapse caught the eye of too many Chicago sports fans—they're all too enthralled with their latest fad, the second place Blackhawks, to pay attention to the flailing Bulls.  That's so April 2009.

3.  USC Football.  Another season, another USC running back receiving illegal kickbacks for his on-field exploits.  Earlier this week it was revealed that USC starting running back Joe McKnight has been cruising around in a Land Rover bought for his girlfriend by southern California businessman, owner of "USC marketing," and certifiable whack job Scott Schencter.  Shocking revelation for a kid who wrote "I Need $$" on his eye black as a freshman.  It looks like McKnight will now be held out of the Trojans' December 26th Emerald Bowl appearance, which will find him in good company with starting tight end Anthony McCoy, starting offensive tackle Tyron Smith, and back up defensive tackle Averell Spicer, who have all been declared academically ineligible for the game.  An embarrassing situation for the program all around, but Pete Carroll has graciously shouldered the blame for these "kid[s] with issues."  Add it all up and the Trojans should be higher on the list, but we don't exactly have the greatest confidence in the NCAA's dedication to investigating USC.  Plus, the Trojans  alleviated most of the sting on their own by failing to qualify for a bowl that anyone cares about.

2.  Nick Folk.  The Dallas Cowboys have a hard enough time winning in December as it is without Nick Folk screwing things up.  But Folk—who amazingly still had a job heading into the Cowboys' game against the New Orleans Saints, despite missing 6 of his previous 10 field goal attempts—almost unilaterally sunk the Cowboys' bid to save their playoff hopes and end the Saints' undefeated season on Thursday night.  Up 24-17 with just over two minutes remaining in the fourth quarter, the Cowboys had a chance to put the game away with a simple 24-yard field goal.  Instead Folk banged the chip shot off the right upright.  Somehow the 'Boys avoided their seemingly inevitable meltdown and won the game, but Folk wasn't so lucky; he was released by Dallas two days later.  Once upon a time Folk was a prime time hero for the Cowboys.  Now he leads the NFL in missed field goals, has no job, and is somehow second fiddle to Sean Suisham who was himself released two weeks ago after missing an even shorter field goal (23 yards) for the Redskins.  At least Folk can take solace in the fact that he didn't actually lose the game for Dallas and that within a month Tony Romo will have done much worse to once again solidify his status as the Cowboys' perennial goat.

1.  Jay Cutler.  This one's been a long time coming.  Since Cutler was traded from the Broncos to resurrect the Bears and their woeful offenses under Lovie Smith, it's been nothing but a steady series of failures for Jay and the gang.  But we had to put an official date on this unending Buck Listing at some point.  We'll go with today.  Sure we could have chosen last week, when the Bears were officially eliminated from the playoffs, but they actually squeezed out a win over the Rams that week, and that wouldn't have been any fun.  Or it could rightfully have been after Cutler gift-wrapped 5 interceptions for the 49ers en route to a 10-6 Bears loss in San Francisco November 12, but The Buck List was but a twinkle in our eye then.  This Sunday, however, our patience was rewarded with Cutler's worst performance of the year:  At Baltimore, Cutler was 10-27 for a whopping 97 yards, threw three interceptions, and failed to lead the Bears on a single scoring drive in their 31-7 beatdown by the Ravens.  Cutler crawled to a career-low passer rating of 7.9 and was replaced by some rookie named Caleb Hanie.  To top it all off, Cutler's disaster ensured the 5-9 Bears of a losing season in their first year under his watchful eye.  Less than six months ago, Bears fans were in a froth over Cutler's arrival and all the space they'd have to clear off of their shelves for replica Lombardi trophies.  Today, they're calling for second-year University of Delaware product Joe Flacco as the real savior they should have had.  We're usually pretty hard on the fickleness of Chicago fans (see above), but maybe we can excuse them here: their team did give up Kyle Orton, two first-round draft picks, and a third-round pick for a chubby kid who currently leads the league in interceptions and whose 5 wins have come against teams that are a combined 18-52.  Then again, no one should have ever been posting nonsense like this.

Others Receiving Votes.  Dirk Nowitzki/Carl Landry: In a mutual Buck Listing, earlier this week Dirk Nowitzki and Rockets forward Carl Landry collided so violently that bits of three of Landry's teeth were left embedded in Nowitzki's elbow.  Hard to say who got the worst of that exchange, but we'll give the edge to Dirk:  While Nowitzki writhed on the ground, Landry coolly walked off the court, and then came back a few days later to score 27 points against the Clippers; Dirk is on infection watch and could apparently be out for the season—or worse—if Landry didn't brush his teeth enough.; The MLB Luxury Tax: The Yankees were hit with a $25 million penalty this week for going over the MLB's luxury tax last season and have now accounted for $174 million out of the total $190 million luxury tax penalties assessed across the entire league since 2003.  A lot of good that seems to be doing:  The Yankees apparently couldn't care less about the tax and just traded Melky Cabrera for starting pitcher Javier Vazquez not to bolster their rotation, but just to rub their willingness to spend in everyone's faces.; Teams in the AL East not named the Yankees: See the note about Javier Vazquez above.; Jim Zorn: The Redskins fell to 4-10 after failing entirely to show up in the first half of their game against the Giants Monday night (the Giants led 24-0 at half and had held the Redskins to two first downs and 51 yards of total offense).  If Dan Snyder was inquiring into potential coaching replacements in front of Zorn's face in March, just imagine what he is willing to do now.

The Buck List: The Lady Tigers Fight Back

We owe you, our four readers, an apology.  The Buck List was a few days late this week.  We aren't going to waste your time with apologies or explanations.  Instead, we solemnly promise that such tardiness will not happen again.  To make up for it, we would like to introduce you to our dear friend Sumo Dawg.  And now, the Buck List. . . 

5. Pat Patriot.  Robert Sormanti, one of the men who plays Patriots mascot Pat Patriot on Sundays, was arrested in Rhode Island this weekend in connection with a large scale prostitution sting.  The Rhode Island state police placed an ad on craigslist that apparently attracted Pat Patriot (and several other men) to a local hotel room, where they were arrested "once a fee for a sexual act was offered."  We're absolutely shocked that someone connected to the Patriots would ever break a law like this.  No news yet on whether Bill Belichik surreptitiously filmed Pat Patriot's private matter for his own personal collection. 

4.  The Montreal Canadiens.  The Canadiens became the latest victims of the NHL's newest and worst rule last Thursday.  The rule changes the point at which a play officially ends from the sound of the referee's whistle to instead when the referee intended to blow that whistle.  Namely it halts play in front of the net when a referee first thinks that the puck has been covered by the goalie, rather than when his whistle sounds to signal that fact to all mortal humans.  (Don't even try to wrap your mind around the change.  It's nonsensical.)  The result, as you might imagine, has been to disallow a handful of goals that were scored before the whistle blew (and while everyone was still playing) but after the referee apparently decided to end the action.

On Thursday, the rule robbed the Canadiens of a third-period game-tying goal which they clearly scored against the Penguins (video blelow).  The Canadiens' goal is the rule's worst casualty yet, both because the puck was clearly visible and the play should never have been stopped in the first place and because it prevented the Habs from tying a game which they ultimately lost by one goal.  For Montreal's (and the NHL's) sake, at least it is only December and there's a fair chance the call won't actually affect the Eastern Conference standings.  But even in December, losing a game that you rightfully tied is no easy pill to swallow.  You don't have to take that from us—this kid is more than willing to tell you how he feels about the situation.  Poor child; a clearer expression of what it's like to be Buck Listed may have never been uttered.  (Fair warning: not for those with sensitive ears.)

3. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.  The Angels have won five of the last six division titles, but their stretch of AL West dominance could be in serious trouble. In the past week, the Angels have lost two of their most important players to free agency.  Longtime ace John Lackey decided to join the dark side and sign a five year deal with the Boston Red Sox.  Speedy third baseman Chone Figgins agreed to terms with division rival Seattle.  Meanwhile, Seattle also acquired former Cy Young award winner Cliff Lee this week in a blockbuster trade with Philadelphia and Toronto.  Lee will join Felix Hernandez at the top of the Mariners rotation to form the best starting pitching duo in baseball.  Figgins and Ichiro Suzuki will wreak havoc with their speed and high on base percentages at the top of the Seattle lineup.  And all this improvement in Seattle comes as the Angels have taken significant steps backwards.  On the bright side for Halos fans, the Angels did sign World Series MVP Hideki Matsui and his beautiful wife. 

2. Trevor Ariza.  Ariza is off to a fantastic (and surprising) start this season.  But let's just say Sunday wasn't Trevor's best day.  Down 19 points to the Raptors, shooting 0-9 with 1 total point late in the third quarter, and looking forward to a night stuck in Canada, Ariza was a bit on edge.  So when he fumbled the ball to Raptors rookie DeMar DeRozan for his fourth turnover the game, Ariza didn't exactly respond in the most sporting fashion.  No, instead he momentarily lost his mind.  As DeRozan ran down court, Ariza spun around and tried maliciously to elbow the rookie in the back of the head.  Except he completely whiffed and made a right fool of himself. (video below)

But Ariza's failed swipe didn't go unnoticed.  Jarrett Jack ran over to fight Ariza, who put on his best tough guy act while carefully backing away from Jack.  Ariza was then promptly ejected from the game and booed out of the arena.  On Monday he was suspended for the whole ordeal.  All in all, not the finest way to make a bid for your first all star game.  Then again, what else can we expect from someone with so much thug passion? 

1. Justin Short.  Short is a cheerleader for the women's basketball team at the University of Missouri, and that is just the beginning of the embarrassment for this poor fellow.  This week, two Missouri women's basketball players, Amanda Hanneman and Jesra Johnson, were arrested for assaulting Short.  There are conficting reports about what exactly went down here.  Apparently, Short was annoyed that his female rommate and her friends were making too much noise.  In an attempt to quiet down the ladies, Short "physically restrained" his roommate.  At this point, Hanneman and Johnson stepped in and went to town on Short's face.  When the battle of the sexes came to an end, Short found himself with a broken nose, a black eye, and a dislocated shoulder.  And lets not forget: Short will have to jump up and down on the baseline for the rest of the season to cheer on his two assailants, who just happen to be Missouri's two leading scorers.  To channel the great Michael Irvin, Justin Short just got JACKED UP.

Others receiving votes.  The Miami Heat: On Sunday night, Rudy Gay and the Grizzlies embarrassed the Heat with a ridiculous array of dunks.  Also, the Heat lost to the Grizzlies.; Toronto Blue Jays Fans: The Blue jays traded Roy Halladay to Philadelphia this week for several highly rated minor league prospects.  Unfortunately, the list of compelling players currently on the Blue Jays major league roster includes, well, no one.;  The Pittsburgh Steelers: The reigning Super Bowl champions should never fail to score a touchdown against the Cleveland Browns. 

The Buck List: The Saga Continues

It's time for another installment of everyone's favorite weekly segment, and a familiar face sits atop our rankings....

5. Greg Oden.  The seemingly cursed Blazers center broke his left patella in the first quarter of Portland's win over the Rockets on Saturday.  The first overall pick of the 2007 draft had surgery Monday and will miss the rest of the season.  Oden is no stranger to the IR.  He sat out 21 games last season with an assortment of ailments and spent the entire '07-'08 season on the bench recovering from microfracture surgery on his right knee.  After a laughably poor performance as a reserve for the Blazers last season, Oden had been playing well this year, averaging 11.1 points, 8.5 rebounds, and 2.3 blocks per contest.  And now Oden will have to start all over again.  Making matters worse for the Blazers, Kevin Durant's endless promise and 28 points per game serve as a constant reminder of what should have been in Portland.  Blazers fans are left trying to convince themselves that Oden suffers from Benjamin Button disorder.  If Oden has actually been aging in reverse this whole time, his constant injury woes make perfect sense.  His body is simply going through the problems that most athletes face at the end of their careers.  In five years or so, Oden will begin to resemble Tim Duncan in his prime.  And if not, Greg always has his acting to fall back on.....

4. Rick Reilly.  America's most overpaid sportswriter has embarrassed himself once again.  In a column he "wrote" for ESPN this week, Reilly essentially reworded a piece (which frankly wasn't very good the first time) he had written for Sports Illustrated in 2007.  Deadspin put together a thorough comparison of the two columns, and the similarities are laughable.  Oh, and this isn't the first time Reilly has been caught regurgitating his own work.  What has become of Reilly's career?  His columns are mostly overly moralistic tales of supposed inspiration with an occasional sprinkling of hackneyed jokes.  Occasionally he hosts an ESPN television show during which he awkwardly interviews athletes.  And now he passes old columns off as originals.  In the future, most sports fans probably will remember Reilly in his current form rather than as one of the greatest features writers ever to work at Sports Illustrated (see here, here, and here).

3. The Pittsburgh Steelers.  The defending Super Bowl champs have hit a bit of a rough patch.  The Steelers lost for their fourth straight game Sunday, and this was a bad one.  Pittsburgh native Bruce Gradkowski threw three fourth quarter touchdowns -- the last one coming with nine seconds left on the clock -- to lead the lowly Raiders to a shocking win at Heinz Field.  The Steelers now sit at 6-6 having lost to the Bears, Chiefs, and Raiders -- to borrow a phrase from fellow Buck Lister Ryan, that is not Steelers football.  With star safety Troy Polamalu possibly sidelined for the rest of the year, the Steelers are in very serious trouble of missing the playoffs for just the second time in the Big Benjamin Roethlisberger era.  Looking on the bright side, Troy P will have more time to film his awesome Head and Shoulders commercials...

2.  Tim Tebow.  The Prophet's heralded college football career hit its low point Saturday in the SEC championship game.  Alabama upset the top ranked Gators, and Tebow threw a costly second half pick that ended Florida's comeback hopes.  Tebow had a lot on the line in this game.  With a typically strong performance and a Florida victory, Tebow might have left Atlanta with a second Heisman Trophy and a third national championship in his pocket.  College football analysts would have crowned him the greatest player the sport had ever seen.  Instead, the entire country watched Tebow sob on national television.  We are ashamed to admit that we felt a little sorry for Tebow, who was actually a very gracious loser at the end of the game.  If only Tim hadn't jinxed himself with that damn front hug. 

1.  Tiger Woods.  Shortly after releasing last week's inaugural edition of the Buck List, we received a mysterious voicemail: "Hey, it's uhh Tiger.  I need you to do me a huge favor. Umm...can you please take my name off the Buck List?  My wife went through your blog and may be contacting you.  If you can, please take my name off that list.  You gotta do this for me...huge...quickly.  Alright, bye."  Sorry, Eldrick, but we can't remove you from the top spot in good conscience.  Apparently, last week was just the beginning for Tiger.  Quite a bit has come out since the infamous crash.  The number of women claiming to have had trysts with Tiger has reached double digits.  There are rumors that Tiger's wife has decided to leave him.  An ambulance rushed Elin's mother from Tiger's house the hospital early this morning.  Oh, and the world learned that Tiger particularly enjoys doing certain things on ambien.  But at least El Tigre still sits atop the World Golf Rankings.  And the Buck List.

Others receiving votes.  John Stevens: In 2007–08 Stevens led the Flyers to a 40-point turnaround from the previous year and the Eastern Conference Finals and won The Hockey News' Coach of the Year.  On Friday he was fired after stumbling to a 13-11-1 start.  What have you done for me lately, I guess.; Non-Power Football Conferences: Three pretty impressive undefeated teams (no, Big East, you are not a power conference) will have no shot at the BCS championship this year.  And two (TCU & Boise State) get to duke it out with each other so that the media can claim the winner proved nothing.  Life's rough outside of the SEC.; Notre Dame's Offense: To no one's great surprise, the Fighting Irish learned Monday that college's best quarterback and wide receiver combo—Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate—will be leaving this year for the NFL draft.  That's no small loss for whoever will be taking over Charlie Weis's squad next year.; Alex Ovechkin: After two ejections in three games, Ovechkin was suspended for two games after a knee-on-knee hit last Tuesday.  A two-game suspension wouldn't be that big of a deal, except that Ovie is supposed to be the face of the NHL, and particularly for his "aggressive" play.  Maybe now that Colin Campbell isn't going to give him the star treatment, Ovechkin will play with a little restraint.; The Fiesta Bowl: The Fiesta Bowl folks basically did it to themselves, but TCU-Boise State?  Yikes. 

The Buck List (Inaugural Edition)

In the fall of 2002, one secondary made life miserable for offenses throughout college football.  Notre Dame cornerbacks Shane Walton and Vontez Duff and safeties Gerome Sapp and Glenn Earl combined for fourteen interceptions, six touchdowns, and countless big hits that year.  As the season progressed, these hits became so numerous and so brutal that the fearsome foursome felt compelled to keep track of their exploits.  And so the legendary Buck List, a catalogue of all those who had been served by the Irish secondary, was born.  After each game, Walton, Duff, Sapp, and especially the hard-hitting Earl would add the names of their newest victims to the Buck List.  In honor of these four warriors, we will present our very own Buck List each week – a ranking of the teams, athletes, coaches, and sports personalities who have been most viciously served throughout the week.  Without further ado and in the glorious tradition of Walton, Duff, Sapp, and Earl, we give you The Buck List:

5. Rick Neuheisel. Leading 21-7 with just under a minute left against UCLA on Saturday, Pete Carroll, in a shocking display of dignity, instructed quarterback Matt Barkley to take a knee.  Neuheisel immediately called a timeout from the UCLA sideline.  On the next play, Barkley threw a 48-yard touchdown pass to Damian Williams to stretch the Trojan lead to 28-7.  Normally, I would jump at the chance to criticize Carroll for running up the score, but it’s hard to blame him in this case.  There is absolutely no reason for Neuheisel to call that timeout.  The game was over.  Even if Neuheisel used all three of his timeouts and got the ball back, UCLA would still be down by 14 points with thirty seconds or less left on the clock.  In calling the timeout, Neuheisel exhibited poor sportsmanship and wasted the time of everyone in the stadium.  Rarely needing an invitation to pile on points, Carroll responded emphatically with another USC touchdown.  After the game, Neuheisel complained that, “The bottom line is that just doesn’t belong in these games.”  Well, guess what Rick?  It never would have happened without your useless timeout.  Carroll tried to do the classy thing for once in his career, and you threw it back in his face.  You deserved that humiliation and won yourself the fifth spot on this week’s Buck List. 

4. Chris Bosh.  Bosh (Raptors center, apple of the Knicks' eye, pride of Dallas, Texas) was just minding his business, playing defense as usual this Friday when he got an all too personal reminder that Paul Pierce is a prick.  As Pierce screamed through the lane after beating his defender off the dribble, Bosh slid over to defend the basket, and was met with a face full of Pierce's tomahawk dunk—and a crotch full of Pierce's left knee.  Hard to say if Pierce intended the low blow or not, but it certainly didn't look like he was trying to keep the knee to himself (check out the video below to decide for yourself).  To make matters worse, Pierce then took time out of his day to hover over the writhing Bosh and remind him just who had rendered him impotent.  Shame on Bosh for getting dunked on, but I don't think anyone deserves the sort of buck listing that he endured.  Especially not from Paul Pierce.

3. Lawrence Frank.  Frank began his career with the New Jersey Nets by winning thirteen straight games after replacing fired coach Byron Scott in the middle of the 03-04 season.  Unfortunately, he ended it in the exact opposite fashion, losing sixteen straight to start this season.  The Nets fired Frank Sunday afternoon, just hours before the Nets tied the worst start in NBA history by dropping their seventeenth straight with a loss to the Lakers.  In between Frank’s two historic streaks, he amassed more victories with New Jersey than any previous Nets coach – not that he really had much competition in that department.  To be fair to Frank, he had to suffer through four seasons of dealing with the miserable Vince Carter.  Plus, star point guard Devin Harris has been injured for most of this season, and the Nets current roster might have less talent than former Nets coach John Calipari’s Kentucky squad.  But excuses can only take us so far here.  Lawrence Frank lost his job, and Vinny Del Negro is still employed.  And that’s embarrassing.

2. The Oklahoma State Cowboys.  Positioning themselves for their first-ever BCS berth, securing their first 10-win season in two decades, and beating arch rival Oklahoma for the first time in seven years (while rubbing salt in the wounds of the Sooners' worst season this decade) all seemed like fair reasons for Oklahoma State to actually show up to play in Norman this weekend.  But apparently not; instead #12 OSU fell flat on its face.  All the work the Cowboys have done to overcome the loss of star wide receiver Dez Bryant and foist themselves towards the top of a watered-down Big 12 was laid to waste by the 27–0 bludgeoning that the Sooners dealt them.  As a curiously lucid Mike Gundy pointed out after the game, "[A]t the end of the year, the bowl representatives in this league are going to pick teams that have competed for 12 games. You've got to play 12 games."  And no, failing to score, limping to 109 yards of offense,  and failing to convert a single third-down in your 12th game isn't quite that.  On the bright side, media darling Boise State can now confidently ride its undefeated season into its second  BCS berth in four years.  And hey, maybe the Cowboys were just trying to send old foe Bob Stoops out on a happy note, as he potentially leaves for greener pastures next season.  In any event, at least they took their beating like men.

1. Tiger Woods.  Tiger had quite the week. On Wednesday, The National Enquirer reported that Woods is having an affair with Rachel Uchitel, a woman mostly known for supposedly having a previous affair with married actor David Boreanz.  Then, after an undoubtedly splendid Thanksgiving dinner at the Woods home, Tiger crashed his Escalade into a fire hydrant…and a tree…while backing out of his driveway…at 2:30 in the morning.  Luckily, Tiger’s loving bride Elin came to the rescue, smashing the back windows of the Escalade with a golf club in an effort to free her hubby from the car.  Thanks to his wife’s noble rescue mission, Tiger escaped the crash with just a few facial lacerations.  So, let’s translate all of this into a succinct summary of Eldrick’s week: The world learned that he is sleeping with Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s sloppy seconds.  His wife clawed at his face.  He tried to run away from his wife, but she smashed the windows of his car with his 3 wood, causing him to crash into a hydrant and then a tree.  But hey, at least Tiger can give a big ole fist pump in celebration of reaching the top spot on the first ever installment of The Buck List.  To honor him, we present a digital reenactment of the incident brought to you by some Chinese news station:

Others receiving votes.  Charlie Weis:  Weis, who was officially fired by Notre Dame yesterday, sealed his fate with yet another disappointing loss to Stanford this Saturday (and secured the most losses of any coach in Notre Dame History), but everyone's seen this one coming for nearly a month.; Mark Ingram's Heisman chances:  Alabama squeaked out a win over rival Auburn on Friday, but after Ingram's dismal 30-yard effort (and performances of the year from Colt McCoy, Tim Tebow, and Toby Gerhart), he'll need to singlehandedly beat Florida in the SEC Championship to even have a shot at the Heisman.; Uga VII: University of Georgia's lovable bulldog Uga VII unexpectedly died last Thursday due to heart problems, less than two seasons into his tenure as the school's mascot.  As if that's not bad enough, if the ever-sane PETA get their way, number VII will be the school's last (non-animatronic) bulldog ever.  Which, unless it's programmed to do this, would be a real shame.; Tomas Vokoun: After giving up his second goal in the opening ten minutes of the Panthers game last night, starting goalie Tomas Vokoun was summarily slashed in the face by his own defenseman Keith Ballard (video below).  Ballard, attempting to smash his stick against the goal post, instead laid out Vokoun, drawing blood and sending the goalie off on a stretcher.  In reality Vokoun (who is currently out of the Panthers lineup due to the incident) should probably be in the top five, but we wrote this up last night, and we're far too lazy to go back and change that.