5. Rick Neuheisel. Leading 21-7 with just under a minute left against UCLA on Saturday, Pete Carroll, in a shocking display of dignity, instructed quarterback Matt Barkley to take a knee. Neuheisel immediately called a timeout from the UCLA sideline. On the next play, Barkley threw a 48-yard touchdown pass to Damian Williams to stretch the Trojan lead to 28-7. Normally, I would jump at the chance to criticize Carroll for running up the score, but it’s hard to blame him in this case. There is absolutely no reason for Neuheisel to call that timeout. The game was over. Even if Neuheisel used all three of his timeouts and got the ball back, UCLA would still be down by 14 points with thirty seconds or less left on the clock. In calling the timeout, Neuheisel exhibited poor sportsmanship and wasted the time of everyone in the stadium. Rarely needing an invitation to pile on points, Carroll responded emphatically with another USC touchdown. After the game, Neuheisel complained that, “The bottom line is that just doesn’t belong in these games.” Well, guess what Rick? It never would have happened without your useless timeout. Carroll tried to do the classy thing for once in his career, and you threw it back in his face. You deserved that humiliation and won yourself the fifth spot on this week’s Buck List.
4. Chris Bosh. Bosh (Raptors center, apple of the Knicks' eye, pride of Dallas, Texas) was just minding his business, playing defense as usual this Friday when he got an all too personal reminder that Paul Pierce is a prick. As Pierce screamed through the lane after beating his defender off the dribble, Bosh slid over to defend the basket, and was met with a face full of Pierce's tomahawk dunk—and a crotch full of Pierce's left knee. Hard to say if Pierce intended the low blow or not, but it certainly didn't look like he was trying to keep the knee to himself (check out the video below to decide for yourself). To make matters worse, Pierce then took time out of his day to hover over the writhing Bosh and remind him just who had rendered him impotent. Shame on Bosh for getting dunked on, but I don't think anyone deserves the sort of buck listing that he endured. Especially not from Paul Pierce.
3. Lawrence Frank. Frank began his career with the New Jersey Nets by winning thirteen straight games after replacing fired coach Byron Scott in the middle of the 03-04 season. Unfortunately, he ended it in the exact opposite fashion, losing sixteen straight to start this season. The Nets fired Frank Sunday afternoon, just hours before the Nets tied the worst start in NBA history by dropping their seventeenth straight with a loss to the Lakers. In between Frank’s two historic streaks, he amassed more victories with New Jersey than any previous Nets coach – not that he really had much competition in that department. To be fair to Frank, he had to suffer through four seasons of dealing with the miserable Vince Carter. Plus, star point guard Devin Harris has been injured for most of this season, and the Nets current roster might have less talent than former Nets coach John Calipari’s Kentucky squad. But excuses can only take us so far here. Lawrence Frank lost his job, and Vinny Del Negro is still employed. And that’s embarrassing.
2. The Oklahoma State Cowboys. Positioning themselves for their first-ever BCS berth, securing their first 10-win season in two decades, and beating arch rival Oklahoma for the first time in seven years (while rubbing salt in the wounds of the Sooners' worst season this decade) all seemed like fair reasons for Oklahoma State to actually show up to play in Norman this weekend. But apparently not; instead #12 OSU fell flat on its face. All the work the Cowboys have done to overcome the loss of star wide receiver Dez Bryant and foist themselves towards the top of a watered-down Big 12 was laid to waste by the 27–0 bludgeoning that the Sooners dealt them. As a curiously lucid Mike Gundy pointed out after the game, "[A]t the end of the year, the bowl representatives in this league are going to pick teams that have competed for 12 games. You've got to play 12 games." And no, failing to score, limping to 109 yards of offense, and failing to convert a single third-down in your 12th game isn't quite that. On the bright side, media darling Boise State can now confidently ride its undefeated season into its second BCS berth in four years. And hey, maybe the Cowboys were just trying to send old foe Bob Stoops out on a happy note, as he potentially leaves for greener pastures next season. In any event, at least they took their beating like men.
1. Tiger Woods. Tiger had quite the week. On Wednesday, The National Enquirer reported that Woods is having an affair with Rachel Uchitel, a woman mostly known for supposedly having a previous affair with married actor David Boreanz. Then, after an undoubtedly splendid Thanksgiving dinner at the Woods home, Tiger crashed his Escalade into a fire hydrant…and a tree…while backing out of his driveway…at 2:30 in the morning. Luckily, Tiger’s loving bride Elin came to the rescue, smashing the back windows of the Escalade with a golf club in an effort to free her hubby from the car. Thanks to his wife’s noble rescue mission, Tiger escaped the crash with just a few facial lacerations. So, let’s translate all of this into a succinct summary of Eldrick’s week: The world learned that he is sleeping with Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s sloppy seconds. His wife clawed at his face. He tried to run away from his wife, but she smashed the windows of his car with his 3 wood, causing him to crash into a hydrant and then a tree. But hey, at least Tiger can give a big ole fist pump in celebration of reaching the top spot on the first ever installment of The Buck List. To honor him, we present a digital reenactment of the incident brought to you by some Chinese news station:
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